Trump Suits Up as Columnists’ Fowl

Sitting Duck 2015

Donald Trump, March 2015. Wikipedia Commons

Donald Trump, March 2015.
Wikipedia Commons

INDIANAPOLIS, June 27, 2015 — In the first-in-the-nation Indiana straw-man caucus, Donald Trump swept all other candidates for the Sitting Duck Award of the National Society of Newspaper Columnists.

The award is given each year to a subject or person, about which or whom columnists can easily grab, much as low-hanging fruit, for writing about on a slow news day.

Trump of course is the self-described “really rich” guy who wants to be president in 2016. The NSNC’s decision pre-empted all state primaries a week before the Fourth of July 2015.

“Trump won,” explained NSNC President Jerry Zezima, “because even I stooped to writing about him this year, though I had the good sense to spike the column before it ran so my editor wouldn’t have to.”

Hillary Rodham Clinton, April 2015. Wikipedia Commons

Hillary Rodham Clinton, April 2015.
Wikipedia Commons

Trump won after getting an endorsement from the Amalgamated Hair Colorists Association, which noted that his pate shares comparable tints and highlights with those of the Democrats’ front runner Hillary Rodham Clinton.

If the two end up taking their parties’ nominations next summer, the head-to-head battle would split ends.

The writers’ requests for Trump, unlike the upcoming election for president, wasn’t even close, so he can’t be described as winning by a hair. The losing candidates sang a round of “We Shall Overcomb” in Trump’s honor.

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Quacker Jack here spies a ducktail above Donald Trump's collar.

Quacker Jack here spies a ducktail above Donald Trump’s collar.

NSNC’s Sitting Duck Award is bestowed on the year’s most ridiculed newsmaker. The title originates from how these figures are easy targets — sitting ducks — during the most perilous of times a columnist can face: the slow news day.

The award may be given to a person, issue or thing, chosen at the annual conference from nominees from those attending. Suggestions must include the rationale for the choice. Trump received a landslide of nominations. The selection committee, as usual, feathered out this news release.

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